KITCHEN TABLE, STEAMING HOT COFFEE WAITING
Dale wakes up for a good 8 hours sleep and heads to the kitchen where he normally finds his partner Peter waiting with some breakfast. this time, he finds a cup of coffee and a note.
NARRATOR
It’s a fairly normal day in the Wakefield house, just like any other. Every morning,Dale wakes up at 8am, proceeds to the kitchen and has his coffee with the man of his dreams. This time, all he finds is a cup of coffee and a note.
Dale sits down, reacts to the cold seat of the chair, grabs the coffee, calls out to his partner, sips on the coffee and smacks his lips, and sees the note. He opens it and begins to read. We hear Peter’s disembodied voice reading out the note.
PETER
Dale, There’s something I need to tell you.
DALE
Mhhmmm? (puzzled)
PETER
You remember when we went off jetskiing in the Maldives, and after 4 hours skinny-dipping in the little pool out by one of the private streams, we went back to the cabin and you asked me to lick your balls?
DALE
Mhhmmm….(giggling)
PETER
And that time we went to that gay rally where we protested against inequality, especially the anti-homosexuality bill the Nigerian government was passing prohibiting its citizens from expressing themselves freely? And then we went back home and you begged me to lick your balls?
PETER
Remember the time we visited your parents’ house, you helped your mom made the roast, and as I walked in you were telling her how happy you were with me and that I was the most important thing in your life, and that night I wanted to make love to you so sweetly, and you pleaded with me to lick your balls?
DALE
mhmmm…(sighs in recognition)
PETER
well, the thing is…I hate your balls.
DALE
????? …(intake of breath)
PETER
Your balls are the ugliest I’ve ever seen in my entire life. 10 years of the same testicles planted up my nose while I had to lick them like an ice-cream for your pleasure. And the smell, urrrghhh, you never bothered to really clean them well enough to avoid the Body-Odour that came out like the stench from an underground sewer.
PETER
You never shave down there so it’s a mess of a bush. What are you, God trying to seduce Moses? Every time I head to the bathroom and pick your pubes out like dark, black, whorish spaghetti!
PETER
And let’s not forget how old and wrinkly your sperm factories have become since you’ve reached that near-death age of 40. God, Dale, haven’t you grasped the concept of scrotum-stretching exercises in the morning before breakfast!?
PETER
It’s over, we’re through. I’ve had enough of your lovenuts on my face, they’re disgusting and ridiculous. And just so you know, not only am I through with you, I am through with your type. That’s right, I’m straight again, fucking girls now, getting me some poon-tang. At least THEY appreciate the concept of shaving, and they have NO balls. No more outties, I’m in it for the innie.
PETER
Goodbye Dale, I’ve taken the couch and the dog. We may have bought it together, but they hold sentimental value to me, I hope you understand, or if you don’t I don’t care anymore. All my love..taken away from you…Peter.
PETER
P.S. There’s toast in the fridge, you faggot.
Dale finishes his coffee and gets up, walks to the bedroom and returns to the kitchen, dials on the keypad of his iphone.
DALE
Hi, ABSA Bank? Barclays? There’s a few credit cards I’d like to cancel…
FADE OUT.